staying friends after a breakup reddit

Often times it’s faced with trust issues and must be approached slowly. It wouldn't work right after the break up. How did you know she did that? Give Your Ex Space. because she still want´s us to be friends i told her that I couldn't watch her adding some guys on Facebook, Start on Tinder, Having new guys on Snapchat and Meeting or dating guys and she said to me I´m not gonna do that, I really want us to be friends But i said to her I can be your friend, but i can't watch all this happen, her maybe getting new boyfriend soon, new guys on Facebook, On Tinder and New guys on snap chat, that it would break my heart at least for now so she told me that she isn't gonna do any of this. It sucks cutting someone out of your life, but you have to do it in order to properly move on. She emotionally manipulated you. Don’t get me wrong but I think this video says it best. You need to allow yourself to get used to the idea of not having her in your life. Another reason why people want to stay in close contact with a former partner after a breakup is guilt. last. I can't speak for her hand, But you make a lot of sense. Go no contact. We broke up yesterday, It was more her idea than mine. I said to her of course it goes both ways then. It can also have a beneficial effect upon your well-being. She said she needed to work on herself, And overcome a past issue that was not cheating, It happened 3 weeks before dating her, but she has always called it cheating since she found out about it and used that against me. I just am not over her yet, And this idea was our both idea, Not adding opposite gender on Facebook, Snapchat or start on Tinder. We broke up yesterday, It was more her idea than mine. Neither of you is in a position emotionally to be friends: she broke up with you, but still wants you around for when the loneliness and boredom of newly-single-again life strikes her aka let's be friends aka I want my cake and eat it too, and you're still not over her and not ready to see her move on. We've been living together almost a year. I wasn't okay with my exes until Atleast 4 months post breakup and now we're really good friends and still hang out. They might get two … I just can't imagine her giving someone the affection she never gave me. The two of you might really respect one another, but for whatever reason you also know romance is just not in the cards. If you don’t want to be friends and you recognize it will hurt you, then don’t be friends with her. It'll only hurt you more to stay friends with her. Just normal texting. she cried and said she hopes i do the same for her. You Won’t Be Friends Immediately Afterwards Let’s start this off with some straight talk: you’re not going to be friends for a while. This just sounds so frustrating and painful... New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! But we both know it would hurt us equally a lot. Then he moved in because he had just gone through a divorce and needed a new place to live. This will then make the pain disappear. We are still friends now (3-4 years later) but right after the breakup I would have benefited from a month or more not being close with him. She will start dating again and she will put those guys she's' dating/sleeping with over social media. Being reminded of her constantly will not allow your mind to accept that it’s officially over. It’s generally best to avoid getting into the details. That was like 2 weeks before break-up, as if our thing had already entered into a routine phase. I don't want to be a jerk here, but she likely isn't going to abide by your ultimatum especially if someone else comes along and gives her attention she could be craving Honestly, I think it would do your heart some good to just take a break from communication and heal. Here’s your risk factor, based on location: 1. There was no big thing that caused the breakup, just something that we have discussed for the past 5 months. I'm not sure. The truth is, staying friends after a breakup doesn’t often heal wounds; most of the time it prolongs hurt through a low-quality friendship.According to research, exes who remain friends tend to have less emotionally supportive and less trusting friendships.They also tend to care less about one another’s happiness. Do they ever try? she started lying (Phone not working) and sending very dull empty messages without depth. So to not remain friends after the breakup seems overly harsh and unnecessary. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Nope. Of course not! But maybe since it's only been a day since this happened. I pulled the "let's just be friends" line too because I hoped that it would be a method of consolation for a crappy situation and it really was genuine on my end. If it is a really crappy relationship that ended in a completely shitty breakup, then the idea of being friends with the other person is definitely out of the question. Maybe you shared a lot of great times, you're used to … People view these positive emotions as the number-one reason to stay friends with an ex (Mogilski & Welling, 2016). After awkward texts and weird conversation, both guys asked to stop being friends and even though it was tough, I agreed it was for the best. And i basically gave her ultimatum, I know it was wrong, But i said to her, If you wan´t to be friends, We can do that, But as soon i see something of this we won't be friends anymore. I’ve had so many exes suggest that we try to be friends after we end our romantic relationship, even when it’s ended on bad terms. Take a break, No Contact for 90 days, then see how you feel. We have the most complicated, frustrating, f***ed up relationship I have ever heard of. I've never done anything like this. But we didn't talk for how long it should be. Group of Friends Attending a Football Game, 12pm – Low Risk 2. Start with the occasional phone call or email. If, after the breakup, you found someone else… you would then forget the worries you have about the future. Just because you didn’t work out as lovers, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends – even good friends. Why torture yourself? I feel that jumping into friendship straight away can have a … One of the most important things about becoming friends with your ex is to make sure that the past stays in the past. Oh he'll no. Mutual friends will probably want to know what happened after a breakup. Do you and her a favor and DONT BE FRIENDS. I guess she isn't over it 100% too but when that happens and will probably soon, She will cut me out. I'm a M (31) and I have been going out with a girl for 2 years and living together for 1 year. It's better. Nope. Post-breakup, the emotions usually run high and all logic goes out the door. This means that you’re not ready to let them go because you subconsciously think that you still belong together and that you can work things out. Has it been easy? But being friends after a break-up is tricky and takes work… sometimes more work than the relationship did. But overall, it has been totally worth it, he is now my best friend. This is as much as a decision for you as it is for her. She said she needed to work on herself, And overcome a past issue that was not cheating, It happened 3 weeks before dating her, but she has always called it cheating since she found out about it and used that against me. While it sure is a nice idea, it's practically impossible to pull off. Even when thinking that we just weren't a match for each other i still can't think of her being happy riding someone else or giving him the attention that lacked towards me. If I'm honest, it was totally him who taught me how to stay friends after a breakup, and I will always be grateful for that. It would tear me apart. It doesn't necessarily mean I will have negative feelings about them if they did. We dated for about a month, went through a pretty nasty breakup, and decided to stay friends. It sounds like she’s manipulating the situation in order for it to fit her needs, which isn’t healthy. With guys, it’s … Hey there, It was actually more her idea than mine, But i agreed on it. But we talked yesterday about this and she said to me, I don´t think you understand what's happening.. i said Yes i do we are breaking up then i told her That i couldn't be friend with her for awhile she broke down more and cried and asked Why not? The harder scenarios involve people who breakup but are not at each other’s throats. We should have just been friends in the first place. It will be easier for BOTH of you even if she can't see it like this now. Like right now we are texting, nothing awkward or forced. I can't even imagine not having him by my side now. Therapist and author of Temptations of the Single Girl , Nina Atwood , said it is not necessarily wrong to stay friends with an ex, but she advises that it can be challenging , and can leave you in a tough spot emotionally. People seem to be very close-minded about this subject but yes you can stay friends after a breakup. This is not a good idea. Moving-on after staying with a person for years in a committed relationship is a tough situation to be in. Just the two of you at Starbucks. The first few weeks after breakup are really painful. This nature of attraction must always be kept in mind and respected. Here are some tips on how you can stay friends with your ex after your breakup. Now my question is, Is this stupid shit of us to do? I she says the same for me. However, being friends with an ex is not exactly an impossible feat as there are former couples who have managed to stay acquainted as friends even after the relationship is over. You are right, it's gonna be hard to stay friends, especially when she moves on and starts dating. And lashing out often happens due to lack of common sense so soon after the breakup. I think it all starts off with not knowing what you really want. In my opinion, guys never actually want to be your friend after … If you plan on staying friends after a breakup, and want to remain on good terms being underhanded or even pretending things are fine when they aren’t is not going to do you any good. Even if you want to call your ex and express your desire to be friends, you should give him or her space to ponder whether it was right to end the relationship or rekindle the love. The No-Contact Rule is an effective coping mechanism that can help you recover from a doomed relationship and move forward with your life after a breakup. We are both hoping to be friends. Once that becomes comfortable, move into face-to-face meetings once in a while for coffee. "The best indicator for a couple getting back together is both parties agreeing that the breakup is a temporary 'reset' while they both work on themselves — and they know what they have to work on," Sussman said. Trust me, from personal experience and from watching so many of my friends go through the same thing, you cannot stay friends with someone immediately after a breakup. You need some space apart to adjust and what not. We didn't agree on any time length. The biggest reason that this is true is the fact that you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back. After I emotionally sorted through the idea of breaking up, I went through with it. While it is entirely possible to remain friends with an ex after a breakup, according to science, it is not such a great idea. Being friends after a breakup is a little different than going out with the girls or chatting with other acquaintances. I know she and probably i will both date again at some point (different people), But right now we need to work on ourself's as individuals, I think? Need help with your relationship? "That couple should make some rules about communication, dating other people, and … In that period we have been more like friends with very little intimacy. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It might be hard for some people to stay friends, because people need to heal, need to forget and move on. 1pm – Low Risk 3. Despite this, curious scientists have attempted to uncover the relationship qualities that indicate the highest likelihood of remaining friends with an ex after a breakup. Often when couples break up, to let the other one down easy, the dumper proposes just being friends. But i'm still having small doubts about it. You get to choose your friends too - and she doesn't sound like a good friend for you to have. Just because you have lots in common and you're attracted to each other doesn't mean the relationship will succeed. tl;dr broke up but she wants remain friends. Giving her that ultimatum was a huge dick move. You have every right to back out of this friendship, and my advice is that you do. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Sure, you think you know what you want: no-strings-attached sex. did you read my old post or something? To stay friends with your partner after you break up, remember to take the friendship slowly and to leave the difficult moments of your relationship behind you. I just don't want to be around to watch it. So I broke up with my past two boyfriends because it just wasn't working out. At first it was weird to try and be friends after, considering we weren't friends before, but … Maybe some day in the future when I'm over him, just not yet. We both still love each other and do get on very well. Let’s say you wait six months and now you’re ready to approach staying friends after a relationship ends. Hopefully she can understand that and accept your decision. Let them know if you are hurt by something they are doing so they understand why you might need some space. Staying friends after a break up mean that you must be strict when it comes to establishing boundaries. I can't be around and clap like a trained circus seal when I know they're trying to date again. We are in the process of breaking up and she is moving out this week. And remaining pals may seem like the mature, evolved thing to do. I am 49 and being Dutch I am outspoken…that caused the break up cause after some wonderful occasions of being together (fan-tas-tic!) Not only that, being friends with someone you are physically attracted to is hard enough without having memories of the physical relationship you once shared. I really do want the best for her and hope she finds happiness. Do you think we ever end up staying friends? But the idea of no adding on Facebook, Snapchat and Tinder, That was what made me to be able to think of being friend with her. But i'm 100% when she starts dating again/puts herself out there more, I'll not be there to watch it. For most people after a breakup, the answer is no.” All the exes and quasi-exes I have as friends would pass that test now, but they certainly would’ve flunked when we began as friends. I don't know about you, but I can't stay friends with someone I'm still in love with. Guilt Can Drive You Towards Being Friends with Your Ex. We both realise that we want different things. If you do really wanna be friends with her, tell her that isn’t a possibility right now and that you need time to heal before being friends again. Be honest. Both of you are hurt, confused, and hesitant to just let it all happen without making any sense of it. Each person needs a … The people of reddit in your experience do you think actually staying friends is an option even if you have obviously less day to day contact, new relationships etc. But attempting to forge a friendship before you’re ready can do more harm than good. Tell her no. Noooooo no no. It’s a well-known fact that one of the most difficult parts of creating and maintaining a friendship after a break up is adjusting to a difference when it comes to intimacy. My roommate and I met on plenty of fish. But how long will this "rule"? After a breakup, you may be tempted to try to be friends with your ex.You still care about this person, after all. The break up was actually fairy calm until the topic of staying friends came up. (I don't know how old you are, but this reminds me of my first relationship). Being friends with her will only hurt both of you. It's not gonna work. Press J to jump to the feed. Adjusting to living alone after a breakup is not easy. I mean shit happens, we all go on with our lives and so on. It is a very amicable breakup. Getting over the relationship itself usually happened before the breakup occurred. Hey, Thanks for your advice, The idea without her is already there, But the idea of her with someone else isn't ready. But according to dating and breakup coach Lee Wilson, who has witnessed thousands of breakup cases over the last 20 years, feeling sad after breaking up … For him, he had checked out of the relationship a while before we broke up, and I had sensed that but that doesn't mean I was able to switch right back into friendship mode immediately. I can agree i'm not ready to see her moving on. Staying friends after break up. Rachel Sussman, a New York City-based psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible, advises caution when it comes to staying friends, but says there are couples for whom it … We understand the pain of heartbreak especially once you have invested a lot of time and energy in the relationship. It still sucked, but the healing process was already taking place beforehand. You are so right, That's why we came up with that idea, No adding on Facebook, Snapchat or Tinder.

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